I was afraid of the dark, of being alone, of listening to my inner thoughts, of discovering who I was and what I wanted, of the paths I would have to take/face to be me. I refused, I hid, I ignored. But those paths found me... in a different country, in snowy days, in dark long winter days. An overwhelming feeling of loneliness took me to the darkest places where my thoughts overcame all at once… no mercy. I felt tiny, vulnerable, powerless, confused, lost, unworthy…
I isolated myself… “people are busy”, “they all have their own problems”, “they don’t need to deal with this, with me”. Talking was painful, waking up alone was unbearable. My life turned into a nuts rollercoaster and I lost control. I came to this country thinking I was going to conquer the world and the world was conquering me, smashing me, destroying me.
Until one day I found myself not feeling afraid anymore. In those places I was so afraid to explore, in that deep “dark” loneliness, was where my real strength was residing, and I decided to take back control … one step at a time.
The journey continues but so far I have learned that putting yourself first is not being selfish; that accepting help is not being vulnerable; that true confidence comes when you believe in yourself even when nobody else does; that your real friends are those who, even after knowing the worst of you, keep seeing your worth; and that self-esteem is not something you seek but something you build.
Don’t be afraid of seeking deep inside you, don’t run away from your own darkness… because the answers you are looking for can be exactly where the light can’t reach you, right where your deepest fears live.
Ps: I am sharing this to let you know that we are powerful, but not unbreakable. It's okay not to be okay, but it's not okay to keep being not okay. Also, I am always here if anyone needs to reach out :).
