Destino

Memorias de mil vidas,

y todas tan intangibles,

tan lejanas,

tan ajenas...

He escalado cimas que parecían inalcanzables, 

solo para llegar a páramos desérticos.

He caído tan bajo que la piel quema,

y el corazón emulsiona,

para encontrar allí mi esencia, 

mi fuerza.

He recorrido caminos que no me correspondían,

y he caminado cuerpos que ya no reconocería.

He dado pasos en vidas que no he marcado,

y he marcado rutas en almas que alguna vez creí inconquistables. 

He retrocedido para no interponerme en sendas que otros han elegido seguir,

y que no me incluyen a mí. 

He recogido pasajeros en los lugares más inciertos sin sospechar que mi tarea sería acercarlos a su destino,

mas no recibirlos como acompañantes permanentes de mi viaje.

Somos transeúntes inexpertos lanzados a habitar un tiempo y un espacio que no se detienen,

no se inmortalizan.

Principiantes a la expectativa de cada tramo que aprenden a medida que avanzan.

Prueba y error.

Hace ya un tiempo, 

tras sobrevivir a un derrumbe de dos una noche que duró lo que tardan los rostros en revelarse, 

decidí aventurarme por una bifurcación escondida que ansío,

esta vez,

sea a mí a quien acerque a su destino.

Storytelling

Since I can remember I've had this ability to face a blank paper without feeling intimidated by it. It was like if words were finding their way through me instead of me going after them. But I never saw that as a talent.

I was wrong.

It took me years to understand that writing was an ability that was going to shape not only my career but myself. Now I proudly define myself as a storyteller.

When I came to Canada, and with English as a second language, I thought my journey as a storyteller was over. Was I going to be the one chasing words this time? Because English words seem to escape from me more times than they seem to find me, that's for sure!

Again, I was wrong.

I was hired for a role in which storytelling is crucial. I was excited but afraid of not being able to pull it off.

What I've learned after almost 10 months in my role: writing is not only about finding the right words but rather about staying curious, preparing oneself to ask the right questions, and being an avid researcher and an empathic listener able to create a safe environment for people to be their authentic selves.

English words keep escaping from me but what continues to find me is the ability to sew scraps of information into handmade articles with a common thread.

2020

Este año ha sido uno de los más duros y, a la vez, uno de los mejores de mi vida. Grandes lecciones, todas de golpe. La vida se olvidó de darnos respiros.

He aprendido que planear a largo plazo es tan ingenuo como tratar de encajar lo incierto en casillas de una hoja de Excel; que la vida es un regalo y en cada caja abierta hay una oportunidad para evolucionar o involucionar;  que compartir la vida con esas personas en las que reconoces pedazos de tu alma es el principal motivo para vivir; que reír - aún cuando el mundo exterior parece un completo extraño - es la manera más valiente de conectarse con tu resiliencia; que tener días malos no te hace menos fuerte, menos valioso o menos merecedor de amor... y siempre habrá quién te lo recuerde; que debes abrazar tu lado vulnerable porque de ahí viene tu verdadera fuerza; que lo que te mide no es cuántas veces caes o te enfrentas contra el mismo miedo u obstáculo, sino cuántas veces te levantas a enfrentarlo; que algunas personas vendrán para quedarse para siempre y otras pasarán un rato para dejar su mensaje; que el amor propio no es algo que se consigue, sino más bien algo que se construye un día a la vez; que el universo da lo que está destinado a ser, pero son nuestras decisiones las que moldean nuestra realidad.

Y, quizá la lección que más me ha costado, pero también la que me ha llegado con más fuerza: que el secreto para vivir mejor es soltar.

2020: el año de los saltos de fe.

Migrate

When you leave your country behind to bet for the uncertain, the path is going to be full of satisfaction, disappointments and challenges.

You'll miss that spot under the tree where you used to read, the noise of those streets where you used to play in your childhood, those faces that were always there when you arrived home after a long day, those long evenings with friends and family talking about everything and nothing, the smell of your favourite dish which main ingredient cannot be found where you are now, the certainty of your full-time job...

You'll miss all of that and more. But what you'll gain as a person after going through that journey and what uncertainty will teach you about your own capabilities and potential is worth the missing, but more than that, is worth the bet you did for the hard path.

So keep thriving, especially through the tough times, because at some point in that journey you'll realize that you have conquered not only your goals, but yourself!

And suddenly we understand that for deep connections to happen physical contact is not required.

We have time to gather around a table to play games with those - today - less strangers who share the same space with us. We find ourselves wanting to get in touch with the ones we once called friends, and we send a text message that ends up in a videocall that lasts until our phones burn in our hands because we are catching up on all those hours we weren't there, trying to fill our absences and un-fill our memories, doing our best to make it up to them for being so busy, so out of time, so… not there.

In every call, we bring up old memories, and we discover how much we haven’t told each other in the last month, year… decade? We are surprised to realize how many stories we have to share… and to listen to.

And there we are, smiling and laughing in one of the hardest moments of human history.

And we realize how much we have missed, and how in a world that seems to be so connected, we have been so disconnected, so gone, so…apart.

We got so lost in our corporal daily world that we forgot real connections are contactless and invisible to the eye but more tangible and everlasting than the best hug or kiss. But perhaps, only perhaps, in a few months we will be able to leave our old mistakes locked down to walk out into an era where what matters the most is not how many things do I have on my to-do-list of the day, but how many opportunities to connect with the ones I care about I won’t miss.

And perhaps, only perhaps, we will be smiling and laughing there too.

The Invisible Depredator

And the world had to stop for me to realize that my anxiety, my stress, and my anguish never came from the outside, but from the inside. The outdoors was a gift, a relief, and a distraction to my inner demons, which I used to leave at home in order to face the immediate, the tangible, and the exterior every day.

Now without the out-of-doors, there’s only this in-journey where my demons become as physical as a boxing fight while the authenticity of the exterior fades into a surrealistic novel that no one ever wanted to write, but we are all reading in the news and social media.

And is in this weird mixture of what we once thought was real and unreal that genuine transformation emerges. If while those people in the exterior fight The Invisible Depredator, we -the indoors- open the inner doors to face the confined demons in us, our home and our relationships with others we will be ready to walk into a new era… one in which people will understand that our enemy has never been what’s out of us – the outside, The Other - but our own incapacity to let those demons out of quarantine and put them down in the hands of a stronger Invisible Depredator: courage.

Divorce

I was afraid of the dark, of being alone, of listening to my inner thoughts, of discovering who I was and what I wanted, of the paths I would have to take/face to be me. I refused, I hid, I ignored. But those paths found me... in a different country, in snowy days, in dark long winter days. An overwhelming feeling of loneliness took me to the darkest places where my thoughts overcame all at once… no mercy. I felt tiny, vulnerable, powerless, confused, lost, unworthy…

I isolated myself… “people are busy”, “they all have their own problems”, “they don’t need to deal with this, with me”. Talking was painful, waking up alone was unbearable. My life turned into a nuts rollercoaster and I lost control. I came to this country thinking I was going to conquer the world and the world was conquering me, smashing me, destroying me.

Until one day I found myself not feeling afraid anymore. In those places I was so afraid to explore, in that deep “dark” loneliness, was where my real strength was residing, and I decided to take back control … one step at a time.

The journey continues but so far I have learned that putting yourself first is not being selfish; that accepting help is not being vulnerable; that true confidence comes when you believe in yourself even when nobody else does; that your real friends are those who, even after knowing the worst of you, keep seeing your worth; and that self-esteem is not something you seek but something you build.

Don’t be afraid of seeking deep inside you, don’t run away from your own darkness… because the answers you are looking for can be exactly where the light can’t reach you, right where your deepest fears live.

Ps: I am sharing this to let you know that we are powerful, but not unbreakable. It's okay not to be okay, but it's not okay to keep being not okay. Also, I am always here if anyone needs to reach out :).